oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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