Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
