im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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