I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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