He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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