He told me they were just razor bumps!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
