Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
