i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The Olympian is in my bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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