Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
