Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
