dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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