Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I accidentally had phone sex last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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