K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
