Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
