hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
