The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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