So drunk its hurt
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
