Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
