I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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