I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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