If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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