you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He did a backflip because drugs
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