What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
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I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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