Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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