she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
