Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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