My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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