fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
