The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
