My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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