I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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