I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
