morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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