Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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