the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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