Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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