okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
