nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
