Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
