why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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