I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
