I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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