and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are we still banned from the library?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
