Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want her autograph on my taint
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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