one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
