i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
