Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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