Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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