i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
