There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
