I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
