It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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