Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
