why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
