i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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