I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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