Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
