i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
