normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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