I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
