I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
