I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
