idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I did not marry a roomba.
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