the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i used baking grease as lip gloss
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
FUCK WHALES
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
