I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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