I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
