Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
