my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
