I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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