Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
