Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
