My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
