I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
