your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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