I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
