Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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