where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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