I wish i was in the wii world.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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