I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
